"Another Tipton" by A. Craig Newman © 2012
Writer's Notes:
The title was inspired by a news story. I won't go into detail because that would give away the fun of the story. All I will say is that if you doubt the plausibility of the story, research the life of Billy Tipton. What I wrote is fiction; what he did was fact. 'Nuff said.
This story is the first time I had tried writing an epistolary and I really enjoyed the experience. It inspired me to try to work letters into more prominent roles in future stories. -ACN
The title was inspired by a news story. I won't go into detail because that would give away the fun of the story. All I will say is that if you doubt the plausibility of the story, research the life of Billy Tipton. What I wrote is fiction; what he did was fact. 'Nuff said.
This story is the first time I had tried writing an epistolary and I really enjoyed the experience. It inspired me to try to work letters into more prominent roles in future stories. -ACN
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: Hello
Dear Nicollette,
I realize that you probably get dozens of these letters every day and mine is likely to get lost in the shuffle. Then again, "Nothing ventured - nothing gained," as my mother always says.
My name is Carl. I met you at the club Saturday. I was a part of the Nelson bachelor party. One of the guys paid you to give me a lap dance, and I bought 5 more after that. To be frank, I think that might have been the best c-note I ever spent. You really know how to talk to a guy. I guess that's what really stuck in my head about you. Most of the girls I've seen at these clubs don't seem to know that some guys - not all, but some - really just want to chat. Also, you really know how to dance. It looks like you've been trained. A lot of the girls just turned on the stage to show the guys some A to go with the T. But you didn't turn, so much as pirouette. I noticed you on your tiptoes when you did that. There's some ballet in your background, I'm betting.
Look, I don't know if the club has some policy about dancers dating customers, but I'd really like to meet you for coffee some time or take you out for a drink. You seem like a fascinating and interesting woman, and I'd love to get to know you better.
Hoping to hear from you soon,
Carl Tipton
*************************************************************************
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Hello
Hello Carl,
Thanks for the lovely letter. And thank you for all the nice things you said. I don't get dozens of letters from guys, and the ones I do get are rarely as sweet as yours.
I do, in fact, have nine years of ballet classes behind me. I was never quite good enough to go professional, though. Still, much of what I learned sticks with me and comes up every now and then in my work.
Yes, I do remember you, Carl. "Bachelor Boys" always tend to be rowdy, but your bunch was in rare form on Saturday. I guess that's why you were so memorable. While all the other guys were acting like octopuses, you were more interested in talking than touching.
The club doesn't have any dating policies, but I'm sure you'll understand that I have my own. No, I don't date customers, but thank you for the invite. Feel free to come by the club anytime - check the website for my dance times if you want to see me in particular. For a fella as nice as you, I'll even make the first lap dance a freebee.
Catch ya next time, sweetie!
-Nicollette
****** Automated Signature******
Join your favorite girls at The Pleasure Lounge for our Annual Charity Dancer Auction for AIDS Research next Saturday! Bid for an hour of personal attention from the girl of your dreams! All of the proceeds will go to this worthy cause. Bid on a dancer and help find a cure.
*****************************************************************************
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: Thank you!
Dear Carl,
On behalf of the club and the charity, thank you very much for you contribution on Saturday.
I can't BELIEVE how much you paid for that hour with me. You helped make me the biggest earner of the night!!! And you were so sweet again. I hope you didn't mind that I danced for you while we talked, instead of sitting like you wanted. If I didn't make it look like I gave you your money's worth, the boss would have chewed me out.
Thank you so much for joining in and making the night fun. I hope you enjoyed yourself as much as I did during our hour together. Come back and see me any time.
-Nicollette
P.S. My real name is Jane Turkington. Hope to see you around, Carl.
***************************************************************************************
(Handwritten note in a Valentine's Day card )
Dear Jane,
Happy Valentine's Day!
I just want to let you know that these past six months have been the best of my life. From our first date to the happy everydays, I feel like my life has changed for the better.
You've said this to me already, but I've been slow to say it back. I guess I just wanted to make sure the first time was right and I meant it. Now, I know it's way past due because I've felt it for some time. I love you.
Carl
*******************************************************************************
(Handwritten note in an Anniversary Card)
Dear Carl,
Happy Anniversary, Honey!
I can't believe it's been two years already! Having someone as wonderful as you has been the best thing to ever happen to me. Our time together has been incredible. I can't wait to see what the future holds for us. I love you.
Jane
*******************************************************************************
Dear Jane,
There are some things I want you to know about me.
I snore terribly, especially if I've been drinking.
I don't always close the door when I'm in the bathroom.
I can be extremely moody.
I have a horrible memory. One time, I forgot to celebrate my own birthday.
I'm a work-a-holic who will probably never be much more than a construction foreman.
I have a very weak back. As you've already noticed, I never take off my brace and bandages.
I talk with my mouth full.
I leave my clothes on the bathroom floor. In fact, I leave clothes everywhere. I've never been much of a cleaner. I found a sock in the refrigerator one time. I'm still trying to figure that one out.
The meds I take for my back also kill my libido and makes it unlikely I'll ever father children.
In some ways, I'm only half a man. But, when I'm with you, I feel like I'm all the man God made me to be. I like who I am when I'm with you.
I feel like this is the worst of me. Some of this, you've seen before and some of it is probably new to you. But, if you think you handle my worst, I'd love to spend the rest of my life giving you my best.
Jane, Will you marry me?
*********************************************************************************
In a Father's Day Card
Dear Carl,
I'll give you three guesses as to why I'd be giving you this card when we don't have any children…yet.
No, it's not because of our pets.
No, it's not some kind of joke.
Yep! You guessed it! Guess who's pregnant!
I love you, honey! You're going to make a great daddy!
Jane
************************************************************************************
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Dear Carl,
I don't know why you reacted the way you did on Father's Day. I swear that I have not been with any man but you. I would never cheat on you. Why won't you return any of my calls or letters? What did I do so wrong? Give me a chance to make it up to you. After three years together, don't you think we owe each other one more chance or at least some explanation? We're supposed to be married in a month, for Christ sakes! Please talk to me.
I miss you.
I love you.
-Jane
*********************************************************************************
Journal Entry
Jane's pregnant. I can't believe she would cheat on me like that, let alone try and lie about it. She tried to get me to believe that it's mine. I guess, in the end, I can't really blame her for gambling on that lie, but I hate the fact that she cheated in the first place. If she wanted some other guy, all she had to do is say so. I would have let her go. Besides, I'm the last one who should be upset about lying.
What are "guys" like me supposed to do, anyway? If I tell a girl about who I used to be, I lose her. If I keep it a secret, apparently they go and get knocked up by some other guy. I'm not sure what to do. All I know is that right now, my heart is breaking. I really loved Jane, but how can I look her in the eye while she lies again? How can I raise some other man's child? How can I tell her the truth?
I got another very early birthday gift from Aunt Billy. This time, she sent a very lovely blouse and a pair of khaki pants. She hasn't totally picked up on the whole "Carla is now Carl" issue, but she's always had a couple screws loose. I guess I'll cut her some slack.
From: [email protected]
Subject: Hello
Dear Nicollette,
I realize that you probably get dozens of these letters every day and mine is likely to get lost in the shuffle. Then again, "Nothing ventured - nothing gained," as my mother always says.
My name is Carl. I met you at the club Saturday. I was a part of the Nelson bachelor party. One of the guys paid you to give me a lap dance, and I bought 5 more after that. To be frank, I think that might have been the best c-note I ever spent. You really know how to talk to a guy. I guess that's what really stuck in my head about you. Most of the girls I've seen at these clubs don't seem to know that some guys - not all, but some - really just want to chat. Also, you really know how to dance. It looks like you've been trained. A lot of the girls just turned on the stage to show the guys some A to go with the T. But you didn't turn, so much as pirouette. I noticed you on your tiptoes when you did that. There's some ballet in your background, I'm betting.
Look, I don't know if the club has some policy about dancers dating customers, but I'd really like to meet you for coffee some time or take you out for a drink. You seem like a fascinating and interesting woman, and I'd love to get to know you better.
Hoping to hear from you soon,
Carl Tipton
*************************************************************************
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Hello
Hello Carl,
Thanks for the lovely letter. And thank you for all the nice things you said. I don't get dozens of letters from guys, and the ones I do get are rarely as sweet as yours.
I do, in fact, have nine years of ballet classes behind me. I was never quite good enough to go professional, though. Still, much of what I learned sticks with me and comes up every now and then in my work.
Yes, I do remember you, Carl. "Bachelor Boys" always tend to be rowdy, but your bunch was in rare form on Saturday. I guess that's why you were so memorable. While all the other guys were acting like octopuses, you were more interested in talking than touching.
The club doesn't have any dating policies, but I'm sure you'll understand that I have my own. No, I don't date customers, but thank you for the invite. Feel free to come by the club anytime - check the website for my dance times if you want to see me in particular. For a fella as nice as you, I'll even make the first lap dance a freebee.
Catch ya next time, sweetie!
-Nicollette
****** Automated Signature******
Join your favorite girls at The Pleasure Lounge for our Annual Charity Dancer Auction for AIDS Research next Saturday! Bid for an hour of personal attention from the girl of your dreams! All of the proceeds will go to this worthy cause. Bid on a dancer and help find a cure.
*****************************************************************************
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: Thank you!
Dear Carl,
On behalf of the club and the charity, thank you very much for you contribution on Saturday.
I can't BELIEVE how much you paid for that hour with me. You helped make me the biggest earner of the night!!! And you were so sweet again. I hope you didn't mind that I danced for you while we talked, instead of sitting like you wanted. If I didn't make it look like I gave you your money's worth, the boss would have chewed me out.
Thank you so much for joining in and making the night fun. I hope you enjoyed yourself as much as I did during our hour together. Come back and see me any time.
-Nicollette
P.S. My real name is Jane Turkington. Hope to see you around, Carl.
***************************************************************************************
(Handwritten note in a Valentine's Day card )
Dear Jane,
Happy Valentine's Day!
I just want to let you know that these past six months have been the best of my life. From our first date to the happy everydays, I feel like my life has changed for the better.
You've said this to me already, but I've been slow to say it back. I guess I just wanted to make sure the first time was right and I meant it. Now, I know it's way past due because I've felt it for some time. I love you.
Carl
*******************************************************************************
(Handwritten note in an Anniversary Card)
Dear Carl,
Happy Anniversary, Honey!
I can't believe it's been two years already! Having someone as wonderful as you has been the best thing to ever happen to me. Our time together has been incredible. I can't wait to see what the future holds for us. I love you.
Jane
*******************************************************************************
Dear Jane,
There are some things I want you to know about me.
I snore terribly, especially if I've been drinking.
I don't always close the door when I'm in the bathroom.
I can be extremely moody.
I have a horrible memory. One time, I forgot to celebrate my own birthday.
I'm a work-a-holic who will probably never be much more than a construction foreman.
I have a very weak back. As you've already noticed, I never take off my brace and bandages.
I talk with my mouth full.
I leave my clothes on the bathroom floor. In fact, I leave clothes everywhere. I've never been much of a cleaner. I found a sock in the refrigerator one time. I'm still trying to figure that one out.
The meds I take for my back also kill my libido and makes it unlikely I'll ever father children.
In some ways, I'm only half a man. But, when I'm with you, I feel like I'm all the man God made me to be. I like who I am when I'm with you.
I feel like this is the worst of me. Some of this, you've seen before and some of it is probably new to you. But, if you think you handle my worst, I'd love to spend the rest of my life giving you my best.
Jane, Will you marry me?
*********************************************************************************
In a Father's Day Card
Dear Carl,
I'll give you three guesses as to why I'd be giving you this card when we don't have any children…yet.
No, it's not because of our pets.
No, it's not some kind of joke.
Yep! You guessed it! Guess who's pregnant!
I love you, honey! You're going to make a great daddy!
Jane
************************************************************************************
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Dear Carl,
I don't know why you reacted the way you did on Father's Day. I swear that I have not been with any man but you. I would never cheat on you. Why won't you return any of my calls or letters? What did I do so wrong? Give me a chance to make it up to you. After three years together, don't you think we owe each other one more chance or at least some explanation? We're supposed to be married in a month, for Christ sakes! Please talk to me.
I miss you.
I love you.
-Jane
*********************************************************************************
Journal Entry
Jane's pregnant. I can't believe she would cheat on me like that, let alone try and lie about it. She tried to get me to believe that it's mine. I guess, in the end, I can't really blame her for gambling on that lie, but I hate the fact that she cheated in the first place. If she wanted some other guy, all she had to do is say so. I would have let her go. Besides, I'm the last one who should be upset about lying.
What are "guys" like me supposed to do, anyway? If I tell a girl about who I used to be, I lose her. If I keep it a secret, apparently they go and get knocked up by some other guy. I'm not sure what to do. All I know is that right now, my heart is breaking. I really loved Jane, but how can I look her in the eye while she lies again? How can I raise some other man's child? How can I tell her the truth?
I got another very early birthday gift from Aunt Billy. This time, she sent a very lovely blouse and a pair of khaki pants. She hasn't totally picked up on the whole "Carla is now Carl" issue, but she's always had a couple screws loose. I guess I'll cut her some slack.
